Just Bead...I Mean Breath

I want to share an experience that I had on Sunday. My daughter, Emberlyn, stuck a bead up her nose. I will tell you this incident is partially my fault, you see, on Saturday I bought her one of those packs of "jewelry" that has a little gold colored ring, four beaded bracelets, and a beaded necklace. She loved it! She wore them all day, even the ring that fit on my finger, she wore and just kept her fingers clinched together so it wouldn't fall off. I thought she looked absolutely adorable, I thought to myself, "I should buy more of those! I'll buy them to use as party favors for Emme's birthday, this is just great!" And it was great, up until Emme's little arms built up all the strength she had and yanked the necklace, flinging beads all across our kitchen floor. As a side note, beads are almost just as bad as glitter. I picked up all but two that I know of, because that was the exact amount of beads that found their way up my daughter's nostril.

On Sunday, late afternoon, right before I started to prepare for the week, I turned to look at Emme right as a pink bead fell from her nose and rolled on the hardwood floor before it made a stop at my feet. I knew, I just knew she had to have another one up there. So, I held this little almost 2 year old girl-who still wears 18 month clothes-down with all of my might so that I could verify what I already knew. A purple bead was up her nose, every time she sniffled it moved up and then down and as little blood trickled out, I panicked. My son Greyson had never been the stick-it-in-your-mouth-or-nose kind of kid, so I really never had to deal with this kind of situation. I called my husband at work, I called my grandma, I called my sister and none of them knew what to do. I attempted to shimmy it out with tweezers but the kid wouldn't lie still. I would need at least two other people to help me hold her down. I'm not exaggerating, that is the exact number of people it took to hold her down at the hospital.

The Hospital:
On a Sunday, the only way you are going to get medical attention in Stockton is if you drive 30 minutes to Bolivar. When I had just reached the end of our half-a-mile driveway, I met my husband who was also in a panic. He hopped in my car and we took off. Garrett drove like a maniac the whole way, so we made it in about 15 minutes. We sat in the waiting room of the E.R. for less then ten minutes, then we had a doctor in another 5 minutes. Our doctor suggested that we sedate her so she could try with tweezers, she said that if she couldn't do it, we would have to go to Springfield and probably stay over night. She also mentioned that if they sedated her, her heart rate could drop or it could stop altogether! Wha!?? The doctor left to get a few other opinions. Garrett and I talked about what we needed to do to prepare for a possible overnight stay at Springfield. I felt nearly to the point of tears. What if her heart stopped? All because of a bead from a necklace that I got her. I stewed in my own thoughts until the doctor returned with a new idea.

The Idea was to wrap Emme up tightly in a blanket so that her arms and legs couldn't flail. A nurse was to hold her head down, the doctor would close her good nostril, and I would cover her mouth with mine and puff the biggest puff of air that I could manage in to her mouth. So, being the better alternative to her heart possibly stopping, we did it. I'm not sure what this technique is called in medical terminology, but it worked! I will be passing this knowledge on to any person I know that has a child that is at the stick-it-in-their-mouth-or-nose stage.

This neat little trick worked like a charm. The bead came out in one blow, a long with a splatter of bloody snot on my face, and Emme was released happy and healthy. All in all, I didn't get to finish what I wanted to on Sunday, but I did get to snuggle by babies and my husband, and that was a good time. Beads are so next year anyway.

This I believe: I am good at reading

As far back as I can remember I have always been a reader. My mom says that I would sit on a bench as far back as when I was two and would "read" upside down books to my twin sister. I remember being in kindergarten and knowing how to spell elephant and my teacher whose last name was Dickens which is my maiden name, paraded me around all the classrooms having me spell elephant over and over. Everyone was so impressed, and I really couldn't figure out why it was such a big deal. Didn't everyone know how to spell elephant? I really loved Mrs. Dickens, and she loved me too. She always let me be in the front of the line. I always thought we were related but we weren't. She's Buckner now. I read Stephen King's "The Gunslinger" when I was in fourth grade. I didn't hardly understand it but I loved it. I reread it when I was in highschool and love the whole "Dark Tower" series. My brother-in-law share Stephen King in common and when my older sister Heather started dating Branden, I was in 5th grade and he was pretty impressed that I could read Stephen King, let alone liked the books. The next Stephen King book I read was in 5th grade it was "Desperation" my all time favorite Stephen King book. Then, in 6th grade I read "Dreamcatcher" and I love that book too. I have never read the Regulators, which is a Richard Bauchman book. Not many people know Richard Bauchman is Stephen Kings pseudonym. My all time favorite book is "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. I have read it probably about ten times. I feel like books have been my way to get away from life. I stopped reading after I had my son and have recently started reading again. I have read "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King and "A Bend in the Road" by Nicholas Sparks. I like a wide variety of book topics. I prefer thrillers but also like a good romance here and there.

This I Believe

1. I believe that I am smart..
2. I believe that I am anxious
3. I believe that I could be better
4. I believe that my husband loves me
5. I believe that I love him
6. I believe that my friends have all gone
7. I believe that I love animals
8. I believe that I am indecisive
9. I believe that I am busy
10. I believe that confidence can be gained
11. I believe that my children are happy
12. I believe that I should eat healthier
13. I believe that I need a new job
14. I believe that I am a product of my surrounding
15. I believe that I will be good at my career
16. I believe that one day I will live in Oregon
17. I believe that I am a good reader
18. I believe that I am a good person

My Perspective of Myself

According to Jung Typology, I have a I(ntrovert) S(ensing) F(eeling) J(udging) personality type. Basically, the test had me down to a T. I see myself as someone who can put myself in other's shoes. I can sympathize with and reassure people who are in a tough spot. Sometimes, I will act on impulse driven by emotions and may lash out. I am an open-minded person and enjoy deep conversations about the world, I enjoy reading stories about people from different countries who have different cultures. I am sensitive and often take things personally, such as critiquing from fellow classmates, though, I have gotten better at taking critiquing and making it positive. I do not like to stick out in a crowd, mostly because I'm not quick on my feet and fear that I would say something that made me look ignorant or rude, therefore even with writing I feel like I must be thorough and really think about what I am trying to say. I am a hard worker and do not stay still for very long, often when I start a project I like to finish it. I am as some would say, a creature of habit. I love a good routine. However, I know and accept that life is constantly changing, and adapt easily to new routines. I do not peg myself as a leader but if I knew the job or group well and felt confident about the particular thing, I would step up to the plate and do my best at it. I think that I get along best with people who have similar personalities as me. I try to get along with everyone I meet, but find certain personality types more difficult. People who are more in-your-face, loud, and confrontational I can only take in small doses. I feel that I see things through a romantic light, and perhaps my greatest personality downfall is that I expect to much out of situations and people. This trait might possibly be my greatest benefit as a writer because I like to use words that have deeper meanings. In writing, I like for things to be in order and to make sense. As a student, I want to learn all that I can to be a better writer.

Grateful for my shadows

Lately, or I guess I should say mostly, my life is a pile of mess. I am not an avid organizer, but everything does have it's place. Lately, as of three years ago my life got a little off track. I found out I was pregnant, four months later I was married, and three months after that I became someone's mother. Greyson, was nine weeks early. I went into labor on my own and had him three days later. He remained in the hospital for a month and a half. Even after being pregnant and getting married, all at the age of eighteen, my first real taste of adulthood came when I first held my son.

Six months later, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, Emberlyn. She was born 14 months after her big brother. And so I became a mother again. In the span of a year, I became a wife and then I became a mother twice.

On most days, I find myself frustrated that all of the things other people my age get to do by themselves, I have to do with two shadows, two destructive shadows. I have spent a lot of my time as a mother being frustrated. Not at stupid things, like sleeping in, but the fact that I have to guard my laptop like an animal guarding a carcass, because my son stepped on my last laptop. Or the fact that I have had to watch Scooby Doo and Curious George over and over and over again. But, when I almost lose my patience, they say things like, "Are you mad at me Mommy? Don't be mad, I love you." And then, I melt into a damn puddle, and they've skirted past Momma Bear once again.

I suppose, in my time as a mother I often forget to be grateful because I am in the present and it is hard to picture my children growing up on me. It is hard to believe that I will miss this "terrible two" stage of my babies' lives. It is also hard to believe that my baby boy is going to be three next month and that my sweet dancin' girl is going to be two in December. Ironically, it's hard to picture in my mind what my sweets looked like even a year ago without actually looking at a picture. I have had the most jumbled, crumbled, cluttered, and happiest past three years of my life, and as many people say, but I'd like to say again, my life would not be as fulfilled without my babies.

Even if it is a pile of mess.